How to Know if You Are Gay

Determining your sexual orientation can be a confusing experience. However, only you can know whether you identify as a gay person. It may take years, or your view may even change over time, but remember that however you identify, you are a valuable human being. Take your time, discover who you are, and discover whether you fit the sexual identity of being gay or lesbian, turn out to be bisexual, or discover that you are, indeed, straight after all. You may pass on to the next step of accepting that you are gay, and eventually to coming out of the closet and to having a successful gay or lesbian relationship.

Be clear on the definition of Gay; there are many different considerations on the subject, depending on who you talk to, but be honest with yourself as to what defines being gay to you. The debate on the subject is often referred to as the "nature versus nurture" conundrum.

# Some people believe that anyone and everyone has the potential to have at least one sexual or romantic relationship with someone of the same sex.
# Some people believe that homosexuality is biological or genetic; that you are naturally born gay. Some scientific studies support the idea of homosexuality as a genetic identity; others may agree that you might be born gay, but it is the act of having a Gay or Lesbian relationship that makes you gay. Still others believe that homosexuality is a product of one's environment and the experiences of your life, that is to say, that events in one's life contribute to your sexual orientation.
# Some believe that simply fantasizing about sex with a member of the same sex is proof that you are gay; and others believe that it is just a sign that you may have leanings in that direction.

Understand that fantasising about members of the same sex does not necessarily mean you are gay. Straight people can have the occasional "same sex fantasy"; a woman having a strange dream involving a lesbian experience, or a man wondering about what it feels like to snog that tough-looking guy in the men's changing rooms - but just fantasizing or daydreaming this way does not mean that they would jump on the chance when actually given the opportunity to do so.

Understand that if you have had a same sex sexual encounter, it does not mean that you are now exclusively gay. Many people who later identify as gay have had heterosexual encounters, many quite satisfying. Having one experience does not qualify as a lifetime orientation. If you've had an encounter with someone of your own sex and feel anxious or unsettled about it, you may not be gay after all. If, on the other hand, you enjoyed an experience with the same sex and after thoughtfully considering it, you may realise that you would seek out another same sex relationship.